Not Everyone Has to Like You

I've had a pretty uncomfortable dentist experience recently.  The dentist I go to usually decided to leave the practice and join a different team so I've been seeing the other dentist as a result.  Well, I had met this dentist prior in a very unfortunate experience where his bedside manner and overall interest in me as a person was nonexistent.  If it was possible for me to be nothing other than a mouth full of teeth, I really think he would have preferred that.  In fact I believe he is conflicted on how to feel about the fact that mouths and teeth are also used for conversation and expression, because he isn't really a fan of either.  Regardless, I decided from that first encounter that I will not be seeing him again and made the proper arraingments to always have the other dentist.  Fast forward to last week, my dentist has left and I need to see this pretty rude man for my Invisalign appointment.  I already am not a fan (this is encounter number 3, encounter number 2 was not awful but I certainly didn't decide to be his best friend) so I didn't exactly have any expectations other than to be treated like a mouth full of teeth.  I was not disappointed.

I arrived to my 6:30 appointment at about 6:28 where I was checked in and swiftly taken to the patient room by one of my favorite hygienists and had delightful banter about her birthday (because I've seen this hygienists for years now and yes, I knew it was her birthday.)  I've learned that dentist appointments never start on time, so it wasn't a big deal for me to be waiting about 10-15 minutes.  45 minutes later Dr. Why-can't-you-be-a-mouthful-of-teeth walks in apologizing in his most unapologetic tone.  I was frustrated and downright disrespected by his lack of respect for my time.  The hygienists have heard me complain about this problem before, usually with the tone of "geeze, late again.... " because I just worked 12 hours and I don't want to sit in a dentist chair for another hour to stare at a wall painted some color of non-threating off white. Culminate the past experiences with this Dr. with my 45 minute wait, my past knowledge of why the dentist I usually see left, conversations I've had with the hygienists over the last few years, and an overall dislike for this man, I was done.  I had my speech rehearsed (45 min of prep time) and said to him:
"About this wait.  I've been here for 45 minutes.  What this tells me is that you do not respect my time nor do you value me as a patient.  I'd like to know what I need to do to transfer my case to another dentist."  BAM!  Awesome feedback right? Amazing, here is the situation, here is how I feel about it, and here is what I want to do to avoid being in this situation again.  Well he got defensive, I got defensive, I stayed calm but was firm about my dissatisfaction with him "The first time I met you Dr. you didn't even use my name when you examined me.  You didn't use my name."  (Is that too much to ask??)

Fast forward to Friday afternoon.  I go to my mail hoping to have a new Netflix DVD waiting for me.  No such luck, but I do have a letter from Dr. Mouth-full-of-teeth.  I think, that's weird, maybe it is some legal thing about my case being transfered.  Nope, it was a pretty mean letter about how I made the hygienist who was in the office cry (not the same hygienist who I was talking to before) and they discussed my case during their morning meeting where it was said that I'm typically disrespectful (ummm what?!) and my actions that day were "unacceptable" and "unprofessional."  After that morning meeting he agrees that it is best that I leave his practice and he will by Missouri State law provide me with 30 days of emergency care if needed.  

So.... that's a great way to end a week right?  As I go through the emotions of shocked, hurt, disbelief, anger, humor, to confused I think I figured it out.  Dr. Mouth-of-teeth didn't like not being in control.  I told him how I was leaving and that I was unhappy with the quality of service I am receiving from him (not his staff, I specifically said his staff is great.)  He didn't like that.  He wanted my leaving to be on his terms.  So he believes now that by sending a very rude letter that my finding another Dr. is actually a benefit for him and his team was somehow a mutually agreed upon result.  I might be wrong, but I'm really not sure of any other explanation.  Sending the letter served no purpose really.  What was he hoping to get out of it?  I think closure.  I think he was so surprised that a confident young woman was willing to stand up to him that he needed to regain control of the situation. 

Now, did I really make a hygienist cry?  I doubt it, I never said a word to her during the conversation and when I left I said to the front desk and the hygienist who walked me up front "I apologize for being dramatic about this." (I was not dramatic, I was firm)  Both of them smiled and said "it's fine." So, did she cry?  maybe after Dr. Mouth grilled her about the encounter, but I have no way of knowing that.  Did the hygienists really say that I was typically disrespectful?  That is interesting feedback for me, because no I don't believe I ever was.  Did I express my dissatisfaction when I had to wait for 30-45 minutes for care on previous appointments?  Yes, but it was never a "darn you hygienist why are you all so terrible?" type comment, simply a "maybe I should book my appointments for 7, then I wouldn't have to wait." Perhaps some comments could be construed as passive aggressive, but never towards them.  Regardless, feedback is a gift and I'll be more conscientious about my comments in the future. 

As I tucked myself in that night after thinking through the contents of the letter, I came to a calm space of "not everyone has to like you Allison." That is true.  If Dr. Mouth doesn't like me, that's okay.  I don't particularly care for him either and with most things in life, it's better that it is mutual.