My Life According to Facebook

I know it is a bit hard to read... but these are my status updates on Facebook in 2010 (almost all of them).  Sort of fun to see what I thought was worth commenting on throughout the year.  Click on the picture to make it bigger (and almost legible.)

Good no make that GREAT day in Brazil

Spent all day at a BBQ with new friends playing soccer, volleyball, swimming, playing poker, and munching on yummy food. I call this a GREAT day in Brazil!!

Best part - they all told me my Portuguese is really good! Yay!!

Catching up and Slowing Down

Flamboyant is straight ahead! 

Just a funny sign I saw in my neighborhood to get this post going.  Notice that it is nice and sunny out and there is a palm like tree on my right... it is SUMMER here in Brazil in case you forgot I am in the Southern Hemisphere.

So my last post was a bit sad, I know that.  For anyone who has lived abroad for a long time you probably can relate to a lot of what I was/am feeling regarding loosing myself and my personality.  Each day is different, some days are awesome and some days aren't.  In 8 months when I am packing up to head on to the next adventure - I'm sure Brazil will have a very special place in my heart.  Until then I suppose!!

So first funny story to share with everyone is the awesome story of how my electricity got cut.  My first experience living in my own apartment, on my own, with my real job in Chicago started out a bit dark.  For the first 2 weeks Mark and I lived in our cute little apartment in Wrigglyville, we had no electricity.  We created a web of extension cords that ran through the apartment to numerous lamps to give us some light.  The best part was when we had to carry a floor lamp into the tiny bathroom with us so we could see what we were doing.  Ahh good times.

In my naivete I thought that must be the only time I will ever live without electricity (excluding power outages and voluntary trips to 3rd world nations and camping).  I was wrong.  I came home from work last week to a dark apartment.  No electricity.  What?!?  I am confused.  There were lights in the hallway and the reception, why is there no light in my apartment?  I scurry downstairs where I give a puppy dog sad face to the front desk person who knows exactly why I am there.  He holds up a piece of paper and says "corta de energia"  Cut the energy.  Umm - yes, I can see that but why?  

You haven't paid your electricity bill in 3 months.

My electricity bill??  You mean the stack of 3 months of bills you gave me 3 days ago, on a Saturday?  Those bills?  The ones I had 1 day to pay (Received on Saturday afternoon, cannot pay anything on Sunday, Monday is the only day, Tuesday electricity is cut)

I get upset but know it isn't this nice young man's fault so I ask to talk to someone who can help me. He calls the manager of the hotel.  Our conversation goes something like this (he speaks English):

A: "Hi Douglas, it's Allison.  I don't have electricity."

D: "Yes Allison, I told you you must pay the bills or else they will cut your electricity."
A: "Yes, well I need to receive those bills to pay them and my company has them now and will pay them ASAP.  What can we do today to get me energy"

D: "You must pay your bills.  After 5 hours you will have energy.  There are no other options."

A: "I cannot pay these bills today Douglas.  So that is not an option.  What is another solution?"

D: "I told you, the only solution is for you to pay.  I cannot help you.  I cannot manage your apartment Allison."

A: "Isn't your job building manager? Don't you get paid to manage my apartment?  Can't you just give me keys to another room for the night?"  (I live in a long term hotel-esq set up)

D: "I cannot help you.  You must pay the bill.  Call the owner of the apartment.  I cannot help you."

(I am livid at this point)

A: "Fine.  What is his number?  I will call him."

D: "Pass the phone to the receptionist person.  You must pay.  I cannot help you.  I don't understand my job title or responsibilities.  I will continue to yell at you and be unhelpful - GRRRR"

A:  "FINE!"

I am now crying because I hate confrontation. I am on my phone calling my secretary, my manager, and my plant manager to figure out what to do.  Thankfully Unilever is an organization filled with highly talented, and problem solving people who care about other people.  They sorted it out.  Of course this was not until I grab the information from the receptionist and scream.

"FUCK.  I HATE THIS GOD DAMN COUNTRY!"

True awesome American right here... Sorry fellow Americans for being such a poor example of who we really are... They just pushed me over the edge. 

Here was the great - other apartment I ended up sleeping in

Yes, that is an orange couch.  You cannot see them, but it was pretty stained.

The bar stools match the sofa!

Ok - enough grumpy stuff - on to THANKSGIVING! 

I wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving despite not having the opportunity to be with my amazing family back in the US.  Fortunately for me I have a small yet very awesome group of friends here in Brazil who were willing to celebrate with me.  We made turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and a pumpkin pie.  Everything turned out SO good!!  I was very proud of my first attempt at a Thanksgiving feast!

Sandra and I went grocery shopping for all the ingredients where I found this.  Spray-able liquid salt.  Lacy Morris, this is for you to compliment your spray butter popcorn!

The Feast!!  It was such good turkey.  And the salad has palm hearts in it which are really good!

Camila, Carolina, me, and Sandra after enjoying our meal!

Carol, Kaka, Camila, and Sandra all digging into the pumpkin pie!  Notice how they all have saved the point?  Yes, the Smith family tradition migrates to Brazil!

Doesn't it look amazing?  Oh and it was!!

After dinner we all jammed out to Guitar Hero for a while until the food coma set in (or maybe wine coma) and we finally called it a night!

This year I am thankful for sooo soo many things namely:

• A family that supports me in all my endeavors no matter where I am or what I am doing.
• My amazing friends from NYC, Chicago, India, Ecuador, CO, and Purdue who keep me laughing, keep me grounded, and keep me dreaming dreams that are too big for just one person
• The opportunity to work internationally fulfiling a dream I've had for a long time including the chance to become bilingual
• My health and my body who hasn't let me down in anything I've wanted to do. 
• My new small family of friends here in Brazil who have to put up with the Allison that breaks down all the time and gets frustrated and irritated

Life really is pretty amazing, even down here on the other side of the world.  Life is good.

It's Been a While...

So here are a few photos from my whirlwind trip to NYC where I was lucky enough to see Lacy, Caitlin, and a handful of great SCMPs!  It was a crazy few days, but worth all 18 hours sitting in coach, and another 4 hours in a car to get to and from the airport.  Super bummed to have missed some friends, but there is always next time!  Christmas cannot come soon enough.  I hadn't realized how much of who I am is lost in Brazil.  It was great to be reacquainted with myself, even if for just a few days.

 

Caitlin, Lacy, and I dining out at the Standard Grill - amazing time with my NYC ladies

 

The stunning Lacy Morris!  Looking HAWT as always!

A product of Lacy's skills.  Hair, make-up and outfit all her.  I just smile. 

Miss this girl so much!

So it is a bit cryptic to say that I lose so much of myself in Brazil and I probably need to explain that a bit.  I struggle with sharing these types of things because I know I am not at all unique in feeling this way.  And because I am not unique in feeling this way, I should be able to get through it (everyone else can, so can I).   My plant manager as well as my direct manager have both done long terms abroad (plant manager was over 3 years in the UK and Germany and my line manager did 3 years in the UK).  As such, everything I feel, they understand yet somehow that doesn't make it easier.  If anything, it makes it worse because they know what I am feeling and they seem to either not care and choose to not do anything about it, or they don't realize the severity of the situation.

I feel as though I have lost my personality down here.  I was talking to one of my colleagues today (in Portuguese) and I was feeling a bit like my semi-bubbly self and he is always super patient with me and speaks really slowly when we talk so I enjoy his company.  We were getting a coffee and another colleague was there also and I was stumbling with some of the language and my friend was helping me through some parts.  I laughed and turned to the other guy and said something to the effect of  "you should have heard me when I first got here, this is SOO much better!"  And my friend says "yes you are so much better, it is like you are a different person."

And he is SO right.  For four months I've been living in an isolated shell.  For four months I've not been able to tell a joke, laugh with a group of people, enjoy lunchtime conversation, feel at ease when I am walking around in fear that someone might talk to me.  (I was waiting for the bus to work and a man asked me if I catch the bus there everyday.  I responded, yes because I do.  He then started asking me something about if I knew if a bus came by that went to some place that I didn't know and I apologized and said that I don't really speak Portuguese and I am not that familiar with the buses.  He got all upset because "this guy over here is crazy, and now you don't speak Portuguese" and storms off...)

We have a new trainee (SCMP - but Brazilian version) at work who started about a month ago.  He is 100 times further along than I am in everything.  He and my supply leader sit together and laugh at lunch, he has all the operators and other people calling him and asking him questions and he is leading huge group activities (like plant wide activities).  All I've done is give a four slide presentation in Portuguese and not vomit on myself.  I've been here 4 months.  He's been here 4 weeks.  I have no friends.  He has built relationships with every single management person and operator on site.  I can't get any time with my manager.  He chats her up daily.  It is unfair to compare and I know that.  But no matter what I do (succeed or fail) it is all overshadowed by my Portuguese skills.  I can't be as amazing as this other person because I am so far outside of my element it is scary.  I hate relying on that fact as an excuse for not performing.  It kills me that my projects aren't progressing in the ways that they should because of something so... so... silly.  It drives me NUTS that I can't just get people together and talk through problems and drive change.  

It is hard to not want to pack it up and go home. It is hard to wait for that magical 6 month mark where things seem to get better in every rotation.

What I wouldn't do to be funny and happy again...

First time I cried in Brazil - week 2

Second time I cried in Brazil - month 4

Still believe me when I tell you I am happy in Brazil?

A weekend at the beach - Florianopolis

Pria Moli - the "see and be seen" beach. 

Waves crashing, island in the distance

Catching some sun - don't worry SPF 70 is on... though I still got burned :( (Mom, I TRIED!!)

Sun setting on the lake inside the island, outside my hostel.

Hostel, complete with hammocks

All cleaned up from the beach, just enjoying the sunset

The lake, inside the island

Hammock!  Love just hanging out.

Small boats that would go out on the lake to fish and take

So here are a few photos of my weekend trip to Florianopolis, an island off the southern coast of Brazil.  It is pretty unique because the city is actually half on the island, and half on the mainland continent and is connected via a bridge.  The island is actually sizable as the airport is on the island half of the city.  In the center of the island there is a lake which is freshwater.  So it is fun to be able to swim in the fresh water or the salt water, or both on the same day!

One event that I didn't have my camera with me for was sand dune boarding.  It was a lot of fun, but I got sand in places you never want sand.  Essentially it is snowboarding down these giant sand dunes.  I tried doing it standing up in true snowboarding fashion yet continued to take falls into the sand and coat myself evenly with the rough stuff.  So I swapped my board for a sand dune sled type thing and had much more fun going down on that.  However, going down is not enough fun to warrant the huge climbs back up.  I was done after about 5-6 goes. 

I also applied liberal amounts of sunscreen (SPF 70) yet still managed to get burned.  Lacy calls me porcelain skinned and I was hoping to become normal colored, but I'm not... still porcelain in some places and now lobster colored in others.  I don't understand... SPF 70, applied like 3-4 times and immediately after getting out of the water or as soon as I start to feel too hot... what am I doing wrong??

Just Buy the Ticket and GO!

Thank you Francisco for the great advice!  I commented to him that I was bummed when a friend of mine had to cancel on our weekend plans due to Brazil's policy of obligatory voting.  Yes, in Brazil voting is mandatory for anyone over 18.  You can vote at 16 if you want to, but you MUST vote at 18.  As such, my friend has to return home to vote and cannot accompany me on a little weekend jaunt.

I was bummed and Francisco said to me "just buy the ticket and GO!"  And he is right.  I usually hate traveling by myself because I get lonely pretty easily but I realized that I am also lonely when I am sitting in my apartment with no one around so why not be lonely in a cool place?   With that great advice - I am off to Floranopolis for 3 days this weekend (we have a long holiday her in Brazil).  Florianopolis is pretty far south in Brazil and is half on an island and half on the mainland.  I booked a hostal on the island for three days where I hope to get some hang gliding lessons, spend some time in the sun, read a book, listen to some music, meet some new people and have fun.

Every weekend I don't do something fun and exciting, I miss an opportunity.  After 3 months of being here and having many opportunities pass for various reasons I have decided NO MORE!  I have many places I want to see, so darn it I am going!  Costs aside - I need to see Brazil!

I must also so - I am quite proud of my recent Portuguese endeavors on the phone.  I successfully purchased my airplane tickets over the phone in Portuguese.  I had to borrow my friend's credit card to do so (as they do not accept international cards) which made for some fun conversations.

Check back in a few days for photos!  In the mean time, I encourage you all to just buy your own proverbial tickets and GO already!  It is quite thrilling to plan a vacation 2 days before you leave! 

Perspective, clarity, explanation... *sigh*

Do you ever just wonder how you got to where you are in life?  How many really active decisions do you remember making in your life?  How many times did you actively try to alter your course versus simply take an opportunity that was opened to you?  Can you think of an example of when you really put honest effort into making something happen for yourself?  When was the last time you pursued what you wanted in life, and when was the last time you gave up?  Was giving up the right thing to do?

I think about these things from time to time as I constantly marvel at where I am (physically, emotionally, spiritually) and where I look to be going.  Where do I want to go?  What do I want to do?  Who do I want to be?  I cannot answer these questions despite how long I ponder them.  Who do I want to share my life with?  I also am no where near close to answering that question.

Sometimes I wonder if my continual uprooting is hurting me more than helping.  I wonder if the repeated 3-4 months of feeling out of place, lonely, confused, and overwhelmed are helping me to learn something about life or if I am repeatedly putting myself through pain unnecessarily?  What would have happened if I chose to stay in Chicago vs move to NYC?  What would have happened if I chose to stay in NYC vs move to Brazil?  What would have happened if I just paid the $1700 plane ticket to Bombay for Christmas in 2007?  What would have happened if someone just told me that is was okay?

I guess these questions are all stemming from some feeling of discomfort.  I am happy here in Brazil.  It took me the better part of 3 months to be able to say that and mean even half of it.  Yet something still doesn't fit. There is something that is uncomfortable.  Something that reminds me a bit of what you feel like right before you cry, that tense moment where you become acutely aware of how much liquid is stored behind your eyeballs because you are very conscience of it sloshing around just waiting to spill forward.  It's a different feeling somehow.  I'm not going to cry (at least I don't think so).  But something.... something.... just isn't fitting.  How do I go about learning what it is that isn't fitting?  How do I then go about fixing it?  

Aside from the obvious downfalls of feeling this way (social anxiety, mild depression, inconsistent sleep etc.)  There is also this unreasonable habit of consistently getting your hopes up thinking that this time you have it figured out.  This activity, this person, this outing, this time... will fix it.  Inevitably this does not happen and I am left feeling uncomfortable and disappointed.

Still believe me when I say I am happy?  I hope so.  It is true.

Sharing

Here are a few videos that I enjoy and thought I would share.  Enjoy!

Do It Right This Time

Teenage Dream

Ted talk - Hans Rosling. If you like global issues and/or statistics, this video is awesome!

If you really like global statistics - go to www.gapminder.org and play.  Awesome site!

Actually just go to www.ted.com  and watch everything - they are all amazing videos.

Ecuador Means Equator in Spanish

After a delightful airplane tour of Quito and the surrounding areas in Felipe's plane, Francisco and I headed to his families palm oil plantation.  Currently his family has about 600 acres (I think...) of land which is growing palm trees which yield palm fruit.  These are not coconuts, it is a different type of tree (like a cousin to the beach dwelling coconut bearing tree we all know and love).  These fruit have massive amounts of oil in their flesh which can be extracted via pressing or the use of solvents.  Palm oil is in turn used to make many many products, namely soap and margarine (both of which I know more than I care to admit about).  

His family is also in the process of building their own palm oil extraction plant where all the oil from the fruit will be extracted using 100% natural means (aka - smash, separate, decant, decant some more, more decanting - sell) vs the use of any type of solvent.  This plant has been designed by Francisco (an ME from Purdue) along with a few of his friends making it quite an awesome achievement for students just out of engineering school.  Here are some pictures!!

Me standing on the top of the final product tank - great view!  You can see the top of the factory roof behind me and all the construction going on also.

Some palm trees and the beautiful plantation

Francisco with his dogs!  He actually has 5 of them, 4 Rottweilers and a German Sheppard.  Very cute and lovey.

 After leaving the farm we headed to a small town very close to the Columbian border called Casablanca which is a beach town.  No, this is not the same Casablanca as the famous movie -that is in Morocco - and if you click over to June of 2008 you will see pictures of me and Katie Hamilton in the other Casablanca during our graduation trip.  This is the Ecuadorian Casablanca, a great little town made for the Quito-ian on vacation.

We passed through  many small towns on the way to the beach and for a while I thought I was in the wrong country... 

Um... Isn't this a rickshaw.... I don`t think I flew over an ocean on the way to Ecuador but I'll be damned if I don't feel like I am in INDIA!!

Yup... this must be India...

After what I thought was a detour through Southeast Asia - we made it to the beach condo.  It is a delightful place with enough space to sleep about 15 people.  There is also a great cook/housekeeper named Carmin (I think..) who made wonderful traditional Ecuadorian food for us.  I've never eaten so many plantains!

The porch of the condo, table all set for one of our meals

Myself, Mona, and Francisco hanging on the beach.  Unfortunately we didn't get a lot of sunshine but that was probably best, I would have burnt like crazy!

As you can see it was a bit overcast, but still a beautiful beach.

Francisco and I  -  standard one arm Facebook shot

HAHAHAHA - LOVED this shirt!!

Picture perfect waves crashing along a rocky shoreline.

This is a snail like creature.  There were THOUSANDS of them crawling under the sand.  It sounds weird and gross but it was actually really cool.  They are almost 100% under the sand so you only see these trails of where they were and they don't bother you at all.  Francisco and I discovered that they come up to the surface sometimes just after a wave has passed by.  They were weird looking things.

 After a few days at the beach condo, laying out, drinking, playing games, eating and over all just enjoying life.  We all headed back to the plantation.  Mona (Francisco's good friend) and her boyfriend joined us at the beach and shared the ride back to Quito with us.  It was a really fun group and I am happy to have had the opportunity to hang out and get to know them all.  Hopefully it isn't the last time I see them either!!

Back on the farm!  Francisco's mom in their swimming pool.  We all suited up for a dip and had a crazy fun time playing water sports until lunch time hunger forced us to the dinner table!

Mona had never been to the farm so we walked around the plant again.  This is the final product holding tower that I was standing on previously.  There is something almost whimsical about it isn't there?  It reminds me of something you might see in Dr. Suess... I think it is the spiral stairs up the side and the large brick pattern of the sheet metal mixed with the delicate rusting.  It looks almost -playful. 

BOILERS!!! - As in Boilermakers, the greatest school of all time... Or in this case, the American made boiler that will generate steam for the plant. 

Me standing behind the BOILER being very excited about the heat exchanger.  It is really cool because the plan is to use biomass to fuel the boiler by burning the left over fibers of the palm fruit after they have been pressed.  Way to be super ecofriendly!

 After leaving the farm we had a nice drive back to Quito.  It was late by that point and we were beat from so many days of doing nothing.  The following day Francisco and I got up and headed to the equator so I could fulfill one goal of the trip - to take a picture laying on the equator being half in the north and half in the south!

 

This is me being a compass - in case you didn't know which way North is - it is UP, South is DOWN, East is RIGHT, and West is LEFT

When you are on the equator, the forces pulling to either side are equal, thus you are feeling zero force.  The theory goes if that is the case then you can balance an egg on end when you are right at the equator.  This is me attempting this claim.  I failed.  The tour guide however achieved a perfectly balanced egg in about 10 seconds.

Geek moment!!  Yes for a mini physics lesson while on vacation!  Newton II anyone??

Much like the egg, if you try to walk a straight line along the equator you feel very unstable as each side pulls you towards it. Because you are pretty much unable to be exactly centered, any shift to one side or the other results in a much stronger than normal feeling of being off-balance.  You go from having close to zero pull on you to having half the world pulling on you.  Here is video proof that it is tricky.  Sorry it is sideways, I don't know how to flip it.  Please - don't laugh too hard.

 After the trip to the equator we headed out to the old part of Quito to see some of the older buildings and meet up with one of Francisco's other friends for a quick drink.  Little did we know, we were about to be in the presence of greatness - times two!

These are the Ecuadorian and Chilean presidents!  Apparently the Chilean president came by as a sign of support and solidarity for the Ecuadorian president seeing as he recently was held hostage by his own army in a hospital.  SO COOL!! 

Enjoying Quito - anyone think Francisco has a bit of Bono going on with those glasses?

Quito at night - so pretty!

 More Quito

Over all it was a very wonderful few days away from work and away from stress.  It was really strange to be surrounded by Spanish though.  Before coming to Brazil my Spanish skills were terrible but existent.  Now, my Portuguese has taken over my brain and I am phyically unable to think or speak in Spanish without EXTREME effort.  When I got back to Brazil I had this huge sigh of relief and I remember thinking, "Thank goodness, I can talk to these people!"  I then laughed at myself and reliazed that, no I cannot speak to them, I've just gotten numb to not being able to understand - either way, it felt good to be back!

Thank you Francisco and thank you to his family and friends for making me feel like a part of the group and showing me a great part of the country.  I am so fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life. 

My life is great because of the people I choose to include in it.  Yes I had a choice, and I choose great people!  Thank you everyone for being one of the many many GREAT people I have been so fortunate to know and get to share my life with.  (sorry, a bit mushy at the end - but I mean it!)