The Luxury of Wanting Work-Life Balance

April Update - so a lot has changed in the last few weeks.  Less in a physical, tangible way but more in my perspective and life planning.  In a post a few months back I mention a life plan and how I don't really have one outside of the fairy tale.  I think in writing that post and the reflections I've been doing about my life I made a quiet self commitment to put my personal life first.  I talked a lot about this not only in this blog but with conversations with my friends, colleagues and mentors. 

Honestly, I thought work-life balance was something that middle age men regretted not having.  It was something that new mothers lamented not having because they were being forced to choose between their career and their families.  Work-Life balance was not something a young, single female really had the luxury to worry about.  I pick that word luxury specifically, because I've always thought it was a luxury.  This elusive thing that everyone strove for but never achieved.  To covet it was normal, but also earned.  Earned through years of being overworked and making personal sacrifice to grow a career.  Earned through neglecting family events such as kid sporting events or talent shows to attend work functions and make presentations.  Work-life balance wasn't something I had thought I had earned the right to want.

It was a weird moment when I realized this about my perspective on personal and professional life balance.  When I stopped and thought, huh, I do want this and I can have it and it's okay that I don't meet any of the indicators my biased view of people who want it but don't have it possess.  Much like it's okay to have the personal side of life to be whatever it is that I choose it to be.  

It seems as though the only widely accepted reason to not be working is to be rearing children.  No one really can question your motivation for leaving work when you are going to pick up your kid from school or go to a dance recital or something.  There has been enough public shaming of dad's missing out on kids' lives that rearing children is rightfully becoming something that people approve of using our personal time doing.  Well, for those of us who don't have kids, we don't have the luxury of a socially approved out of work activity that we may want to balance. 

Where I've netted out on all this is that time away from work is time away from work.  I don't need to justify it nor do I need to approve it.  If I'm making a decision to leave work, that means I've decided that whatever it is I'm off to do is more important to me at that moment than work.  It might be going to my kid's soccer game or it might be going to get frozen yogurt with a friend or it might be to binge watch Netflix.  It doesn't matter and I don't have to justify it.  In this spirit, I never ask my team why they are leaving work.  They come in to tell me they are leaving early or ask if they can adjust their hours and then promptly start telling me why.  Sometimes in what appears like a justification for something that is more important than work, and other times in the spirit of sharing some of their lives.  They are two very different things.  One is seeking approval, the other is trying to build a relationship.  I do everything I can to be sure they understand I'm only interested in the latter.  If they want to leave early to play pinball at an old school arcade, that's awesome I don't need to approve that.  Time away is time away.  My time is as valuable as your time, regardless of what I or you choose to do with it.

So I do have the luxury of wanting work life balance.  Because I'm not going to feel guilty for taking my time back.   I think, that decision and mind shift in being okay with wanting to have my personal life be more important than my professional one has finally started to take shape.

I'm starting a new career with a new company - details to come.  But I'm starting to put Allison the Person in front of Allison the Employee and it feels awesome.