Homeownership - is that a word? Is that even a thing??

As my last post alluded to, a lot has changed in my life.  The biggest has been the acquisition of a house.  Yes, I bought a house.  If that doesn't shock you, surprise you, or at a minimum cause you to raise an inquisitory eyebrow, you don't know me that well (please read the last 5 years of blog posts to rectify that situation.)   In a nutshell, houses equal roots and roots equal not using wings.  Again, for anyone who knows me even a little bit, you know that my wings are in constant use.  I believe my first plane ride was at about 3 months old, and I've been going, going, going ever since.  Thus, a house (and the associated root system that comes with it) is not something that I would have believed I would own at this stage in life.  Yet here I am, living quite peacefully in my own cute 3 bedroom house in a quiet neighborhood.

It should not be surprising that it is blue, everything in my life would be blue if possible.  Notice the cute garage in the back also!

What sold me on the house was the back yard.  I'm not much of an outdoorsy person and the thought of doing yard work is unappetizing to say the least.  Yet, when I walked out and saw this beautiful deck, I thought, I can do yard work if it means having friends over and hanging out here!!

Here is the back of the house.  Yes, I have a white fence.  Yes, I basically purchased the American Dream house.  I didn't even know I had that dream (admittedly I'm still not sure I do) but I own the house!!

Now begins the next big adventure in my life - homeownership.  The house was already nicely updated when I bought it so there aren't many "must do" projects.  I do, however, have a small list of "nice to have" projects:

• Cut doorway into living room from backdoor hallway - DONE!
• Replace all outlets/light switches with white covers - DONE! (thanks Daddy)
• Replace kitchen and bedroom light fixtures - DONE!
• Replace front and back doors
• Modify master bedroom closet 
• Rip out master bedroom carpet (re-carpet or refinish hardwood?!?)
• Refinish kitchen hardwood floor
• Improve kitchen pantry w/ sliding shelves
• Install overhead lighting in the living room (ceiling fan?  canister lights?)
• Redo the main bathroom tub/shower system (only pictures can explain this one)

The list goes on and on....  the funny part is that all those projects are simply "nice to haves" because the house really is pretty nice already.  Granted the previous owners did take some short cuts in their updating which is a real pain.  Example:  Painting over wallpaper.  How on Earth can I do anything to that wall now?  I can't unless I want to peel the wallpaper off and repaint.  All of a sudden a quick fixture move became a multiple day, multiple trips to the hardware store, multiple calls to Dad for help project.  So, the fixture is staying right where it is!!

Look forward to many posts about my adventures in home repair, improvement, and home ownership.   I've already had to call the gas company to come fix a gas leak, so you know this next adventure is going to be awesome :)  Maybe roots aren't so bad after all.... did I just say that... who am I??

1000 posts too late

It's been forever.  A lot has changed.  Nothing has changed.  I've asked more questions than I'll ever be able to get answers.  I've grown.  I've moved on.  I've stayed blissfully still.  Some may say I've regressed, I prefer to say I've let myself be nostalgic.  I've been scared.  I've been happy.  I've made great decisions.  I've made unbelievably poor decisions.  Despite the missteps, I cannot say I would undo any of them, even if I could. 

I have a favorite quote that is melancholic to say the least:  "No matter the posture of the body, the soul is on it's knees."  Many times this year, I've had to couple that emotion with "Life is beautiful, even when it isn't pretty."  Sounds morose, I agree.  Sounds dark and a bit twisty.  It is.  Life is beautiful.  Life isn't always pretty.  While my skeletle frame stands every inch of its 6 foot height, my insides at times, try to be as small as possible.  When I let my body mimic that desire, the best I can accomplish is an awkward egg shape that looks something like an interpretive dancer ready to blossom out into something beautiful.  Almost a cocoon, bound so tight.  It's humorous when I let my mind's eye view myself as a 3rd person to see myself tucked in as tightly as I can.  The tears streaming down my face and my arms trying to fold themselves underneath my legs and my spine trying to find ways to be shorter, my shoulders to be more hunched, my tailbone to tuck a bit lower.  It's funny to see.  It's emotionally shredding to try to do.  

Oddly enough, being smaller makes it feel better after a while.  When you can see the tear drops, stained with mascara, drip onto the bathroom linoleum and form abstract ink blots, it does make it hurt less.  Something about physically pulling yourself in and away from the hurt of the outside is comforting.  It is almost protective the way a mother would envelope her child against a harsh wind, my body is wrapping itself around the most delicate parts for protection.   These bouts sometimes pass quickly, sometimes not.

I read a beautiful blog post from a blogger I just discovered.  Not sure I care to really continue to follow her writing, but this piece is elouquently written:

Frustration. Eyes squeezed shut. A lonely feeling gripped me like a hug from a relative I’ve seen only at weddings and funerals. I went out with friends and never knew what to say, because you couldn’t say you were in a tunnel that lead to no light. A girl who really knows how to laugh on the outside, wear her eyeliner on the outside, crack gracefully.

And I knew how to crack, to break lightly, to move my limbs in the correct motions and function perfectly except for the moments I chose to think about love in the middle of the night.

The cracking gracefully has such tangibility to it that I adore.  You can almost visualize and even hear the subtle snap of the facade that she is letting the outside world see. I cannot begin to emphasize how much I relate to the comment about functioning perfectly until choosing to think about love.  I never believed it to be a choice, that your mind wonders where your heart is sitting and if that makes it painful, then so be it.  You didn't have an option in what you thought.  That is what you needed to obsess over and self immolate about.  I've learned this to be false.  It is a strange skill to be able to control your thoughts to avoid pain.  I've not mastered it, but I've grown to appreciate the ability and usefulness in doing so. 

This post is needless to say, depressing.  It wasn't intended that way until my fingers starting flying across the keyboard.  I think I really just needed to get some emotions off my chest.  No fear to anyone who might worry.  I'm happy.  I'm healthy.  I'm content in life and moving in a direction I'm proud of even if I feel lost most of the time.  That is not to say it is all perfect.  Beautiful? Yes.  Pretty? Not always.  Perfect?  Far from it.  I do take the ink blot tests off my bathroom floor some times, and it typically makes me laugh.  If that isn't a silver lining.....

If I can't be a blaze of sparks...

"You see women are like fires, like flames.  Some women are like candles, bright and friendly.  Some are like single sparks or embers, like fireflies for chasing on summer nights.  Some are like campfires, all light and heat for a night and willing to be left after.  Some women are like hearth fires, not much to look at but underneath they are all warm red coal that burns a long, long while.  But Dianne... Dianne is like a waterfall of sparks pouring off a sharp iron edge that God is holding to the grindstone.  You can't help but look, can't help but want it.  You might even put your hand to it for a second.  But you can't hold it.  She'll break your heart..."

~The Name of the Wind

Maybe I am a waterfall of sparks... but what isn't said is that she can't be held, so her heart too is breaking.  Perhaps I am candle... bright and friendly, but easily snuffed out and quick to melt down to nothing but a puddle of wax.  I'd rather be a hearth fire though... warm and red that burns for a long while constantly giving heat.  

Maybe women aren't like fires at all....

So what am I doing exactly?!

It always seems that my posts get fewer and fewer when I'm back in the States and life regains some level of monotony and routine.  I'm not sure that is a bad thing, it is something I tend to crave when everything is in a whirlwind (how many comments of just wanting stability have I written?!)  Regardless, when each weekend is quite similar to the weekend before, and the Mondays feel an awful lot like the Thursdays, there isn't much to report.  Again, I sometimes think this is a good thing.  

It does raise the question of "What am I doing?" even if every day is the same, it is the same - something.  

Monday - Friday:  Work.  I make ice cream.  Or rather I walk around and talk to people who make ice cream and sometimes ask them to work differently so they make more ice cream or higher quality ice cream.  It is fun most of the time.  A lot of what I do is try to make our process safer and more efficient through the implementation of continuous improvement tools. Sounds drab I know, but it really is a good time and there is always free ice cream so it can't be that bad.  After work it is one of two things usually:  Gym, or lazy evening on the couch.  I'll be the first to admit that I have more lazy evenings on the couch than I do gym evenings.  Usually after the 12 hr day at work (ok, typically it is closer to 10 hrs so not that bad) I'm just not interested in working out.  I push myself sometimes, but more times than not... it is straight to the apartment.

Friday night - Sunday night:  Dinner out with friends, multiple games of Settlers of Catan, brunch, Sunday spin class.  This is an almost uncanny, unchanging routine that has come about recently with my group of friends.  Most Fridays we meet for dinner somewhere in town, catch up and have a nice meal.  Fridays are always early nights as we all work in manufacturing and most of us saw some measure of 5AM... so by 9PM we are turning to pumpkins.  Saturday is errand day (or more lazing on the couch) and almost invariably game night at someone's house.  We've become quite the Settlers crazed group and it is a fun game.  Sundays are typically brunch at a small local place where we sit around for 2 hrs drinking their "fun coffee of the day" talking about anything and everything.  1:30 is spin class and it is the only constant trip to the gym that I hold myself too.  I figure it starts the week out right with a good sweat, a flush of all the weekend food and lazing about.  It also motivates me a smidge to try to get to the gym more frequently (doesn't always happen though...)

Then it is Monday again and my mind goes back to chocolate fudge brownies and shrink wrap film and motor parts and equipment failures.  All to repeat itself.  So it is a small little routine, but a good one.  I'll admit that I'm starting to get a little tired of the routine and I'm ready to shake things up again.  Plan a weekend trip somewhere, get a different group outing together, try a new activity... I'm starting to get restless.  

So when you ask what I'm doing and I say "work, Catan, sleep... nothing much"  I really mean it!  I know... not the adventures I'm used to, but this is just a different type of adventure.

New Years - in the Sun

After celebrating New Years in Brazil last year (2010-2011), which was a pivotal turning point in my experience there, I decided that never again will I celebrate New Years in the cold.  Having celebrated the previous calendar changes in New York City and Chicago, I was more than happy to take in the sun and beaches of Morro de Sao Paulo last year.  True to my decision, I rang in 2012 in Aruba.  I know, my life is dreadfully difficult.

Luckily I have one of the best travel companions a person could ask for.  My great friend Katie is always up for an adventure, even a lazy, sun drenched, beach adventure.  Really it was more like a week long nap than an adventure... but regardless it was great.  Pictures are always better than words - enjoy.

Lazing on the beach - picture this for about 5 of the 7 days

Taking in the view at Baby Beach on the south tip of the Island

Katie perched on one of the native trees.  The wind is always blowing east to west, constantly.  As such, the trees start to lean and grow in accordance with the breeze.

Local wildlife.... goats.

Aruba's going green!!

LOL - I think it is hilarious that Aruba puts a Pareto chart of their traffic fatalities at key intersections... way to go on that reduction!!

Katie, perched upon a boulder, this time in front of the California Lighthouse on the northern tip of the island.

In front of the lighthouse.  It was a nice 2 mile walk for us which was a welcome break from lazing on the beach.

Mariza, Katie, and I watching the fireworks!!  Mariza is a CouchSurfer that we met up who was incredibly helpful and fun.  She made sure we had prime firework viewing spots!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  Joyous 2012 to everyone!

Our fireworks viewing perch (Katie perches a lot it seems).  This is the 10th floor balcony of one of the huge hotels on the island.  Mariza helped us "sneak" up as we were not guests... but being Americans, we blended in without issue.

This is the east coast of the island, very rocky and rough.  Aruba is also a very arid island so most of the native vegetation is small brush and cacti.  The palm trees are brought in for the tourists on the west coast where the beaches are sandy white. 

We hiked through the National Park to this secluded natural pool.  We got up early to beat the tour groups who come on ATVs and horseback.  It was just us for almost an hour!!

That's me!!

Katie also took to climbing all over the rocks, albeit she did not brave the water to go swimming... it was so much fun!!

We took windsurfing lessons on our last day.  That's me rocking out!!

Oh yeah!!!  That is how you harness the power of the wind!

Check out Katie's perfect form!  Windsurfing is surprisingly simple (at first).  After 2 hours we were standing, moving, turning, and not falling... all at about 4mph.  Hey, it was a start!

On the bus!  A trip just isn't worth taking if you avoid public transportation...

Sunset on our last night... Paraglider slowly moving across the sky - beautiful

Showing off my sunburned left arm as we watch the sun dip behind the horizon.

7 days of relaxation.  7 days of going to bed early and getting up late.  Of reading and napping.  Of alternating between 10 minutes in the sun to 50 minutes in the shade.  7 days of SPF 50 applied multiple times a day.  7 days of catching up with a great friend, laughing at everything, and taking time to just breath.  

Katie and I are already planning the next big trip... Turkey 2013 perhaps... maybe sooner!

Happy New Year to everyone, may it be joyous and memorable for all the right reasons.